My Empire of Dirt

I’m not creative. I’m not even sure I can define what it is to be creative. I’m a results person. I need measurable outcome-based objectives in order to determine success/mastery over some action. While this need to define and assess serves me well most of time, I come to believe that it also keeps creativity just out of reach. At least in part. That being said, there is little that soothes my mind like the playlist for the moment. I create playlists like some people doodle and draw figurines. Acoustic or full electric, each playlist is carefully loaded with songs intended to speak the words I cannot say, to unearth the feelings I can’t quite emote. My life is words and music extends to ringtones and text alerts. There is always something to the ringtone/text alert. As I contemplate the three songs to share, I’m filled with the desire to create a playlist for this post instead. Do I go with songs that define me, that inspire me, that encourage me, that move me, that are lyrically stunning, or that everyone who knows me must hear be virtue of knowing?! 

 

My personal anthem. This song empowers and describes me. There is only one me in this universe. The lyrics deceptive, so listen carefully. This song is full of grit, angst, heartbreak; but at it’s core is a beautiful, tough girl. Someone fighting for each day.    

So Weak, So Strong
Gov’t Mule (High & Mighty)

So weak, so strong. Nothing’s forever in her universe.
Bringing comfort bringing pain. So weak, so strong.

So weak, so strong. Turning mountains into seas of dust.
Finding courage when all hope is lost. So weak, so strong.

Men have died from half the pain she endures everyday
A million times I’ve seen her spirit fade away, only to rise again

 

A lyrical masterpiece, Hurt, is in multiple playlists, by different artists, and in one playlist by each artist I have…it’s that  good.  NIN had a huge hit with this song and The Man recoded a cover and owned it, Trent Reznor readily yielding his song to Mr. Cash’s haunting rendition. Add some intrigue and give the version performed by the 2Cellos a listen.  

Hurt 
NIN/Johnny Cash

I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel.
I focus on the pain, the only thing that’s real.

And you can have it all; my empire of dirt.
I will let you down, I will make you hurt.

 

I’ve been lost inside my head; echoes fall on me. Sometimes I have problems finding the right word I want to use–I end up using a synonym of my of vocabulary–and it’s one of the most frustrating and demoralizing feelings. I’ve yet to make peace with this aspect of life, so to REM I turn…

Hollow Man
REM 

I’ve been lost inside my head. Echoes fall on me.
I took the prize last night for complicatedness.
For saying things I didn’t mean and don’t believe.

Believe in me, believe in nothing. Corner me and make me something.
I’ve become the hollow man, I’ve become the hallow man I see.

 

I’d rather someone dig throgh papers on my desk than I would have someone blithely scroll through the songs in my music collection. While I know I’m the only one who really knows the meaning behind various songs, my attachment to the words, thoughts, and feelings expressed therein are so strongs it’s as if my personal jornal is made available for public viewing.

How does music touch your soul and fill your head? Do any of my songs strke a chord? 

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